Defeating the Ogress

Far away, in a mystical fantasy land, there was a knight who was rewarded for defeating a dangerous ogre. See, for several years, this two-headed ogre terrorized the kingdom, causing wreckage and bloodshed. This monster was unstoppable, as many of the king's best men failed to kill the beast.

But one day, a chivalrous young man offered to take the creature down. The king knighted him, and the new warrior rode on his horse towards the ogre's cave. On the way, the man, having not seen the ogre, thought about how this demonic thing would look like. He passed through a sign saying "Get Lost", signifying that he was getting closer. Thus, he made it to the cave and heard a girlish scream. The ogre must have kidnapped a lady! So the knight told his horse to stay put as he entered the cave.

The knight moved closer and closer until he spotted the ogre, and was surprised at what this creature looked like. The ogre was 7 feet tall, green-skinned, two-headed, and... female? Yes, this ogre was female and looked human-like. She had huge breasts and was wearing a cloth to cover her parts. She was muscular but strangely attractive, looking as pretty, if not more, than the fairest ladies of the land. When this gorgeous black-haired dicephalus ogress noticed the young knight, she let out two simultaneous girlish screams from both heads and backed away from him, covering her four eyes.

"Don't be scared," the knight said as he put his sword down. "I'm not gonna hurt you."

The ogress slowly removed her hands from her eyes. "Really?" one of her heads asked.

"You understand me," the knight said.

"Your language is not hard to understand," the ogress's second head said.

"Why have you caused damage to the kingdom?"

"It was because I was scared," the ogress said from her left head.

"Humans are dangerous," her right head said.

"I was lonely..."

"...and I am the last of my race."

"What happened to the other ogres?" the knight asked.

"Humans killed them!" the ogress said using both of her heads.

"That's awful. Look, I was sent to slay you, but I'm not going to." The knight then let out his hand.

The two-headed ogress slowly reached out her hand to the knight, and they shook hands.

"I will do everything I can to help you," the knight said.

"Everything?" the ogress asked using her right head.

"Whatever do you mean by that?" her left head asked.

The knight smiled as he walked up to the female ogre.

***

Eventually the knight returned to the kingdom, carrying both of the ogress's heads in his hands.

"I have defeated the ogre!" he cried.

"Excellent!" the king said. "Now the land will never see the monster's wrath again!"

A party was thrown for the knight, cheering his victory. That night, he brought the ogress's heads back to his hut.

"Okay, we're at my place," the knight said.

The two heads stopped looking dead. "About time!" one of them said.

"Good thing we ogres are great at looking unconscious," the other head said.

"And now, let me say the magic words," the knight said before blurting out some gibberish. These unrecognizable words caused a flash, and the ogress's heads got their body back.

"A gentlemen and a magician," the ogress's left head said as she placed her hands on her body.

"I guess not all humans are bad," the ogress's right head said.

"OK, if we do this, just know that there won't likely be anyone who's 100% ogre," the knight said, giving a disclaimer.

"Understood," the ogress's right head said.

"50% ogre is still an ogre," the left head said.

"But before we begin, I want to give you something." The ogress pulled out an orb from her cleavage and gave it to the knight.

"This is an engagement orb."

The knight looked at the orb. "I love it," he said, "and I think I love someone right now."

"Well, come on!" the ogress's left head said.

"Show the love!" the right head said.

Both the knight and the ogress got into bed. The knight then turned off the lights...

And that is how the knight "defeated" the ogress.